• Robin Kim


What do I talk about on a date? This is one of the most frequently asked questions, particularly for individuals that have just entered the dating world. Communication is an important skill for dating because it allows us to share inform

ation about ourselves and learn more about others. It is a way to trade information through conversations which include questions, responses and comments. Using the 3-step process below will help you start conversations about your thoughts, ideas and interests, as well as keep conversations going.

1. Ask

Trading information with your date begins with ‘asking’ questions. Asking each other questions is a way to show your date that you are interested in getting to know them and invites your date to share information about themselves.

  • Try asking follow up questions related to the conversation topic to keep the conversation going and learn even more about your date.

  • Try asking open-ended questions which tend to lead to longer, more detaile

d answers. Avoid close-ended questions where your date may respond with a one word answer. For example, asking “what kind of movies do you like?” might elicit a more in-depth response compared to “do you like movies?”

  • Avoid asking too many questions in a row as this may make your date feel like they are being interviewed.

2. Listen

The next step to trading information is ‘listening’ to our date’s response. When we are actively listening to our date, it allows us to ask appropriate follow up questions and

shows we are interested in the conversation.

  • Don’t interrupt. Allow your date to finish talking before you comment or ask another question.

  • Use appropriate body language such as nodding your head, leaning towards your date or making eye contact.

  • Try not to let your mind wander or think about other things when your date is talking.

3. Respond

The last

step is ‘responding’ to questions from your date or make additional comments. This allows you to share information about yourself with your date. Just as you might be curious to get to know your date, your date also wants to get to know you. You can do this by responding to the questions that you asked your date. For example, if you asked your date, “what is your favourite food?” you can respond to your own question after your date has answered and share your favourite foods.

  • Remember that conversations are a two-way dialogue between you and your date. Don’t be a conversation hog by taking over the conversation.

  • P

eople like variety in conversations and may not share the same interests or passions as you. Gauge your date’s interest level in conversation topics and try to talk about several different topics, particularly when you are first getting to know someone.

Try using these 3 steps, ASK, LISTEN and RESPOND, to guide your conversations on your next date. Also remember that communication is a skill that we can build through learning and practice!

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